0016

I KILLED MY DINNER WITH KARATE

im gonna go back through that tiny hole the tinniest hole of all holes the one i had to narrow for the one ive stayed bent for your clock runs faster mines kinda stuck and way too loud those ticks and tocks wont let me sleep whats on a menu today tall twisted figures talking weird staying around keeping my attention until the next morsel until i swallow it all and ask for more if necessary id love to concentrate on it some more id like to understand quite how it feels and to get worried but i cannot this time im on the other side im here if you need me im just absent-minded and scared is it a way of self-defense or im simply being unconcerned and selfish no of course not i have to take care of myself only just like everyone else does its slipping away all the time it remains unsaid stays empty torn pages erased recorded mute paralyzed like in a dream the corner is what bothers me they say its the most firm like that but for me it seems pretty unstable i prefer staying on all four or straightening up on our own two skinny ones but who actually cares what i prefer if i turned my insides back inside maybe i would understand no plans they only show me how fooled i am a haphazard only me first me only.

0015

TARRY-FAIL

this is when i shouldnt make a single mistake neither should you ill wash all the dishes i will separate all the dust mites from the stardust while everything else is passing me by and even then you wont like it they teach me the right ways but theyre not easy at all the rain is always nice when you stare through a window but im soaked by now t2wo different sides of the same thing i cannot follow your rules if you dont even have any i thought it doesnt exist but i was wrong whats new how come the wrong ones always find the way i think i figured out i think i know now there is a perfect one but im not gonna write it down now for all of you who actually understand ive started it somehow but dunno how to use it the instruction is in some foreign language i got lost on the way someone ate all the crumbs but the wolf helped me out killed all the ugly dwarfs the witch the giant and the cheshire cat and found me the other slipper before i turn into a pumpkin.

0014

A RICOCHET

i saw it coming the right detail the exact one the charming one the blinding one i always prefer to look away a frozen frame frowned firm harsh childish spoiled a perfect image recorded saved imprinted behind yr back in the dark a zombie a shadow a ghost an empty shell or the insides warm and pulsing someone elses eyes see better what did i choose a machine an iron construction cold and robust squeaking and cutting i know iknow tiring and boring to you and to myself well why dont you quit you quitter go save yr ass it takes o1ne move and t2wo balls its a waste of money ashamed fooled a jester a muddy lace spineless nobody cares they say they do though whats the point anyway only a current interest intoxicated equals dull simple unreal hmm partially used wasted lost motivation a limbo where was i back then how did i get so tricked question marks pandoras box pandora herself reality bites nightmares the feet stamping a waste of will weary i know that face its the one that blocks me every time i try to move its a great idea smartass we should all try that one so whos the one that hates denials still didnt show up nice story are they all like that whats the next surprise or maybe i cannot get surprised anymore remain still until i disappear disintegrate vanish decompose break melt down and then get back to normal again and smile well thats when you miss the main part what i do is useless a complete insanity funny and sad at the same time think twice silence wont kill you think all night long one more denial i think im getting it all right now a sellotape for broken bones a painkiller have to take care of myself a devils dance a grouse it was a nice mask but its falling apart now a storyteller occasional fun a toy always behind whos the crazy one i should have listened i thought it was funny but it was both funny and true.

0013

31/7 [25]

a black spot blurry and dark out of focus moving and slipping a strong will all the black things the darkest ones the small things i always forget about i dont wanna miss them i wanna stay close to it keep them gathered safeandsound the only one who doesnt make sense at all too many people involved confusing me why repeating the whole circus what did i miss i know every detail by heart i knew the whole scenario but i still dont understand the whole idea personal utopia huh overly idealizing huh and about the secret one i knew it before its not a surprise it is amazing though remarkable weird nice im not guilty though i feel so the numbers and days whats yr problem it doesnt need colors to make it pretty you would have more chances to refresh yr miserable life if i turned it all upside down and around im not organized myself so for me its just perfect its the way i function its the one i can use and not get confused the black one yes the one with no colors at all no circles only squares its circling anyway youre scared of it coz yr life is all about repeating boring and not surprising if you knew it all you wouldnt need me to give the proper answer so whats the point old fag its weird how i started liking it letting myself go simple and minimal no compromise faster for the impatient ones and slower for the ones who enjoy either way surprising a lottery a game all the signs around a star for each one both glowing but im too dumb to realize im gonna give it a try anyway besides fiv5e is still better than thr3ee more promising for sure 25 is gonna be the presenting o1ne coz thats the one i wanna find and mark no matter how the other ones are placed numbers are underestimated i love them just the same messed up and dark.

0012

A DELICATE BALANCE [FETUS]

a mess amazed a maze too entangled thankyou for lifting me up i saw the way out if i could only walk through walls its pretty easy sleeping like a baby you expect the wrong thing the memory is pretty awkward this and that here and there everywhere there there intense but meaningless temporary friendships a kiss or t2wo junctions and goodbyez no worries ill pay it all whats next the supermarket trolley endless speeches a fetal position you have no idea why i came back were they all there were they really there fucking freaks you think its enough a weird skill the useful o1ne i dont envy you my black is brighter a bad joke a coin for a beggar a button a rock a spit a piece of shit almost like a dream someone elses dream the more the lower like a pyramid youre alone at the top what yr waiting for is not here sorry for not being stupid enough stars instead of empty faces so that i dont have to rush myself anymore nothing to fulfill i will pick it up and take a chance its up there anyway right on time is it yrs or mine connected and making sense its the better o1ne perhaps or a trick maybe i will never choose the right box i can only try i peeked it seems nice theres nothing here for you go collect yr crumbs glue it up and like exuperys king sit and rule yr fictive kingdom no i wont be the rat sorry im going back to my rose hey all of you are here somewhere around im gonna count you all and lull myself to sleep you see its not what you expect poor thing and you the sad image of you is rather funny another day in a den what bad thing can you say now howre you gonna wrap it up where are you gonna hide it questions behind my back burden staring waiting for a big story always the same the start and the end until i learn to play the game.