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EPILOGUE

ooh this bump i had made when i hit myself in the head still hurts and today i realized that everything fades away i have promised myself i will smile wide for the sake of the future pasts.

chitchat

I COME IN PEACE [I LEAVE IN PIECES]

i remember.. it was that day [or it was some other day] when i shouldve been afraid of a wounded beast.. i was drunk, but i remember: i didnt realize yet, couldnt be sure, but i knew there was a good reason to get wasted, i knew something was going very wrong. i got too close; i had some silly idea of a flock, haha. one shot, two shots.. i had let it clutch me with its tentacles and suck me in.
so i drank some more..
but that was it. i was weak and got weaker for a moment - a perfect playground for a fiend [a friend?] overwhelmed by vanity and pain.
that is exactly why i was thought the story of a wolf in disguise when i was a kid like all the other kids.. oh, but whod remember that when alcohol delutes blood..
so that day [or any other day] i made the colossal mistake. i got sober many times ever since, but i couldnt take it back. i recall, its almost funny - i can see myself all dumb and happy, shaking hands with bad ideas.
yeah, i was pretty happy. it was the last time i was truly fulfilled and i didnt even realize. i thought im empty and just a bit consolated, while actually i was happy and sky high, i was huge and back on feet. oh and extremely unaware, non experienced and stupid.. but that goes together anyway - being shallow and happy.. right?
such a weird need for revealing the weakness and proving it. raising achilles' heel. turning the back, showing where to stab.
ive made up all the boogeymen. i am my own biggest enemy.
i wish i had another chance, i wish i had some time capsule. who doesnt.
i wish id stop selling cheap and throwing myself to lions.
i wish i wasnt bothered by that day [or some other day] anymore.
i wish i could stop feeding the vulture with looking back at it.
i wish i didnt come as a friend.