chitchat

SOMA

once you finally get the missing pieces and solve the jigsaw.. and get the full image.. once you find out and look it in the eye, once it all gets clear and youre told the truth -

it all of a sudden gets easier.
it becomes the end of the road, the bottom of the chasm. with all the cracking sounds you turn into a stone. thousands of icicles lance and pierce and you freeze.

and then its quiet.
and its dark. and its empty.
and you dont feel the pain, you dont feel anything at all..

but then you go in reverse - you go back down the dead end, you climb up the abyss, you swim back to the surface, count backwards, melt down, crackle crack crash bleed, get alive again.

and then its just a spilt milk.

its a loss, its messy, it takes work and makes you gotta do what a mans gotta do.. and all there is is deciding whether you will buy another milk or stop drinking milk. or stop spilling it.

but you certainly wont kneel down and lick it off the floor.
not anymore.

chitchat

YOUR SHAME IS MINE

hey, do you remember..? at least from your cozy point of view, as it was..
i do. i wish i dont.
i can see it just now - the battlefield; all transformed from the good old place, the same one that once had a wonderful meaning. and it still does.. to me. only now its divided into two opposite impressions and feelings. two different lives.
this one time, it had a brand new sinister purpose and i remember the wind and shivering, your shadow and its quietness; my shame and despair and how i let you let them spit at me, just to save the ghost in my head; walk over me holding hands, stab and twist, have fun laugh enjoy, triumph. big greedy eyes, long dirty flickering tongues, mean little brains, nasty lies and truths - all on my account.
they missed the apple on my head, but didnt miss me.
and you held me so that i dont move too much, so that the apple doesnt fall before they shoot me.
and you shook hands after the job had been successfully done
and took me back home -
your failed fighting rooster
your chicken shit.

nobody admitted
that i was the only one
with no mud on my face.

bleep0028

i dare to think and say that the best ones arent really that good.

..and i should/will take it as an advantage.